The scent of Jasmine

Since this blog is my therapy, my place of refuge, where my thoughts run free, I sure hope this works.

When we were leaving the hospital last week a thought hit me. The day was gorgeous, sunny,warm and a soft breeze that carried the sweet fragrance of a wall of blooming jasmine with it. My husband parked next to the jasmine and as we walked to the car I really noticed the beauty of the day. I buckled Tomas in and as I stood in the space between his car seat and the door, it hit me - He's fixed! Completely fixed! Since he was about 7 months old this surgery has been looming. The magnitude of it grew with every additional procedure they wanted to do at the same time. For months it has been in the back of our minds, and we would talk wistfully of the way things would be "after the surgery". As the time drew nearer the fear came closer and I spent the last several months in a relatively constant state of prayer, that I might be made strong enough to walk through the fire one more time. But here we were, on the other side, and with a surgery that went better than our wildest hopes.

I'm not sure I can successfully describe the elation of that moment. It was a lightness, a brighter, warmer, more fragrant day than it was just ten seconds before., and I drank it in. We drove home in a peaceful, restful silence, and it was lovely. Tomas' recovery continued to amaze everyone. He was sitting up after the 4th day and by Tuesday he was playful and happy and just his regular cute self.

Wednesday morning I was changing his diaper and I noticed a hard lump next to his lower incision. By the afternoon it had double in size so I called the surgeon's office. They didn't call back and on Thursday morning it was really hard, much larger than it had been, and was warm to the touch, so I called again. He was acting completely normal I must add. The nurse called back later in the morning and asked me a few questions, said she would page the doctor and get back to me. I was afraid he might have torn a stitch on the inside. She called me at 3:12 and said the doctor wanted to see Tomas, could I be there by 3:45. I couldn't as we live an hour away, so she said could I have the pedi look at it and then call the surgeon. So I called the pediatrician and off we went. After a phone conference between the two of them the surgeon thinks it is a hernia opening up again. There is also a hernia opening up below his belly button and the two are trying really hard to connect. I was so downhearted yesterday. No more fixed baby, no more nothing else waiting to get done, no more fragrant jasmine.

So, I re-adjust again, now there is one more surgery, somewhere down the line. I got a lovely email from a friend (thank you friend!) after a Crowning of Mary ceremony this morning reminding me to keep my chin up. The thing is I do, even if I don't always look it. I am so blessed to have this path. My eyes have been opened to miraculous things and wondrous people. I have moments where the sadness of what my baby has to go through yet again weighs heavy on my heart, but that is not the norm. He is such joy, and his smile touches everyone, that I can't help but smile with him.