Thursday, August 11, 2011

I'm not an inspiration, I'm a mom!

It has been a rough week, a really, really rough week. Way to many high stress things going on at the same time, and there is not an early end in sight. Tomas is not well, and this line needs to come out ASAP so he can get better.
But something bigger is on my mind this morning. So many of you have said such lovely things to me ABOUT me.
How do you do it? I could never survive. You're amazing. You're such an inspiration.
Well listen up - STOP IT! I am nothing more than you, nothing better than you. I am exactly what you would be if you were here.

Do my words inspire you? Thank you, but they are not mine. They are pulled from the collective body of knowledge of men, from the great conversations that have taken place through history. Great books, great stories, great speeches all jumbled together in my brain; words rolling and bumping around waiting to be pulled at the appropriate time.
Does my strength inspire you? Hah, it's SO not mine. It is pulled from the Most Holy Trinity, the vastness of space and the awesomness of creation. It is a limitless supply and I go back for more many, many, many times.
Does my faith inspire you? This one is harder, because it was a gift given at a horrible price. Formed from watching people I care about trudge through misery. Those who had faith made it through to share laughter and radiate joy despite the pain. Those who did not hold tight carry with them a great pain from which they find no relief. Early on I had to choose which path I would want to look back upon at the end of my days.

To any of  you who think you could not do this, that you would collapse in a corner, Just ask yourself one question. Are you a mother?
The question isn't - do you have a child? It is - are you a mother? Every time your child frustrates you, or angers you, or causes you pain, do you choose to walk towards the problem rather than away? Do you make mistakes and get things wrong, but then go back and apologize? Then you would make it through a trial like this as well. You would rise and rally beyond anything you ever thought yourself capable of, because your child needed you to.
Because it is not about how high the bar is set, it is about whether or not you choose to jump it.


  1. wow, sorry I know you dont want to hear it but that was incredibly inspiring. Beautiful words.

  2. You are inspiring, but I totally understand! I get the same thing all the time. My hubbys favorite is "how do you do it?" Well what else do i do? I have no other choice!

    Is the line they are pulling a central line, or a port? I just wonder because I keep asking for a port for Jax, and my ped says the infection risk is way too high!

  3. Ha! Yeah then you post something like this, sorry, Chickie your inspiring! God wants you to be, so He's shining thorough you to reach others. I think it's working.

    Love you! And hugs to the bravest little man.