Friday, March 4, 2011

Record breaker ; broken record

Well he broke his old record set back in August. He made it from start time to end time on the fasting study in 5.5 hours. Last one was 6. His blood sugars hit 41, labs drawn, rescue med given, and now he sleeps. Anyone who needs a play by play can read this post from the August fasting study: Fasting Studies 101
At least this time we were able to go straight to the D10 and not try the glucagon.
I'm kind of mad sitting here tonight. In August after the first fasting study we were finally starting to get somewhere, but then another doctor stepped in. He ordered a second fasting study, during which Tomas never dropped his blood sugars. The doctor then discounted the first study saying something went wrong with it, and that the second study was the accurate one. Yet, here I am, at a different hospital, with a different doctor's group, going through the same test with the same results, feeling very much like a broken record. I'm thinking at this point the test where his sugars stayed stable was the fluke, and I am also trying to pray away some serious darkness concerning that doctor at the other hospital.
What's next? God willing, not another fasting study! Tomorrow (today actually) brings an endoscopy, bone marrow biopsy, and liver biopsy. All these tests have been waiting in the wings for so long. I am nervous. Nervous that they won't show anything, nervous that they will show something, nervous about anesthesia. Just the It's 3am and I can't sleep so I'll put my thoughts on paper nervous.
Luckily, this past Sunday's entrance hymn and Gospel were chosen specifically for me, so that 4 days after the fact I could call them up from the "Help me Lord" section of my brain. The entrance hymn was

Be Not Afraid
You shall cross the barren desert,
but you shall not die of thirst.
You shall wander far in safety,
though you do not know the way.
You shall speak your words in foreign lands,
and all will understand,
You shall see the face of God and live.

Be not afraid,
I go before you always,
Come follow Me,
and I shall give you rest.

If you pass through raging waters
in the sea, you shall not drown.
If you walk amidst the burning flames,
you shall not be harmed.
If you stand before the pow’r of hell
and death is at your side,
know that I am with you, through it all

Be not afraid,
I go before you always,
Come follow Me,
and I shall give you rest.

Blessed are your poor,
for the Kingdom shall be theirs
Blest are you that weep and mourn,
for one day you shall laugh.
And if wicked men insult and hate you, all because of Me,
blessed, blessed are you!

Be not afraid,
I go before you always,
Come follow Me,
and I shall give you rest.

The Gospel was Matthew 6:25 -

"No one can serve two masters. He will either hate one and love the other, or be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and mammon. "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat (or drink), or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds in the sky; they do not sow or reap, they gather nothing into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are not you more important than they? Can any of you by worrying add a single moment to your life-span? Why are you anxious about clothes? Learn from the way the wild flowers grow. They do not work or spin. But I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was clothed like one of them. If God so clothes the grass of the field, which grows today and is thrown into the oven tomorrow, will he not much more provide for you, O you of little faith? So do not worry and say, 'What are we to eat?' or 'What are we to drink?' or 'What are we to wear?' All these things the pagans seek. Your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom (of God) and his righteousness, and all these things will be given you besides. Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself. Sufficient for a day is its own evil.

So tonight I rest in Him, and tomorrow I kiss my baby goodbye again. For the terrible, awful, hopeful walk down the corridor to the OR. If 10,000 angels can fit on the head of a pin how many do you think can fit on a laptop's keyboard?


  1. I could barely sit through Mass last Sunday without crying. God spoke to many with those words and that song.

    lots of angels watching over Tomas today and blog friends too. Praying now!

    Keep us posted. wish I could be closer and do more.

  2. Sending you so much love and abundant prayers for not only Tomas but for you.

    That song gets me every single time.Without fail.There is just something about the words and the melody.

    I have another,that plays over and over in my head,during our difficult days with Miss Z... today I send it to you my friend:

    I will be, I will be,
    I will be strength for the journey.
    I will be, I will be,
    I will be strength for the journey.

    There is a road meant for you to travel.
    Narrow and steep is the shepherd’s way,
    and as you say, "Yes,"
    letting me guide you,
    I will be strength for the journey.

    There is a cross meant for you to carry.
    There is a cross meant for you alone,
    and as you bow down
    in humble surrender,
    I will be strength for the journey.

    How many times have you doubted my word?
    How many times must I call your name?
    And as you say, "Yes,"
    letting me love you,
    I will be strength for the journey.

  3. Thinking about you guys!! HUGS...